Archive for the ‘meh !’ Category

iPad 2 For Dad…….

Monday, May 23rd, 2011

According to an email I just received from Apple, an ‘iPad2 makes an ideal gift for fathers day’

I suspect if I gave one to my father, he would stare at it with a confused look and eventually use it to prop up something around the house !

Nice try Apple, but no sell on that front I’m afraid.

Liquorice Pig…….

Friday, May 13th, 2011

Gaaaaaahhhhh !!

Owing to my stressy workloads and total lack of will power, I have just consume an entire 215g bag of Bassetts Liquorice Allsorts by myself :o(

Curse you Trebor (are they still owned by Trebor ??)

p.s. Seems thet are now owned by Cadburys

p.p.s What happened to the tasty little blue Bertie sweetie that used to be in the bag ?

TFL You Suck (well, your staff do !)

Saturday, December 11th, 2010

Ask anyone who knows me, they’ll tell you I’m awesome. They’ll also tell you it takes a *lot* to make me angry to the point of expressing it.

So hats of to TFL, you can add me to what I am sure is an extensive and rather long list of people who wish there were an alternative to getting around London.

Am I being harsh ? You tell me.

I just tried to enable the auto top up feature on my Oyster card. The create account page asked for the normal stuff. Name, address, oyster card number, email, a security question and a password (to be entered twice for verification). I filled everything in and hit submit. The form bounced back that my passwords did not match. I corrected this and resubmitted. It came back that that email address is in use !!!

WFT

Email addresses are unique. I’ve never registered before. So unless someone else has tried to imitate me, (which seems like rather a lot of work to scam an oyster card), it seems their form partially submitted my data with incorrect values for some fields.

Genius !

Any attempt to logon, retrieve username or password met with failure. Whatever values the form had passed, they weren’t the ones I’d used.

When calling their helpline to sort the humpty dumpty mess out, the dumber than average rhesus monkey I spoke to said there was nothing he could do (maybe you should have tried harder at school ! you’d be more capable in your chosen field then). It seems he is unable to reset/modify/delete/touch my incorrect entry on their system.

Problem. My email remains the same. Even if I buy a different oyster card, I will not be able to pair it up to my email address as it already exists in their system with bad values. I suppose I could create another email address to use, but why should I have to ? You don’t have to move house to get a problematic package delivered (praise for the postal service).

I’m going to assume I got an unhappy disgruntled employee who was pissed at having to work on a Saturday. I’ll call once again and see if I get someone helpful.

Otherwise I’ll need to create a new email just to register my oyster card. Hmmmmm, scott@tflsucksdonkeyballs.com has a ring to it, wonder if the domain name is free ?……..

For the love of god TFL, sort your site and train your staff, please !!!

A New Taxonomy For Queens…….

Monday, September 27th, 2010

Reproduced with the kind permission of Hotpants of Kennington, who came up with the idea while out one night dancing…….clearly the music and the boys must have been very dull indeed !


All queens can be described by two adjectives, each of which describes their position on one or other axis of a two dimensional space.

The first adjective or dimension describes how well they carry it off. This is the Glamour dimension and ranges from Tragic to Diva.

The second adjective or dimension describes their attitude towards themselves. This is the Me scale and ranges from Painfully Modest to Totally Self-absorbed.

The two dimensional space created by these two axes can then be segmented into four quadrants by dividing each axis into two halves – Low and High. So we have…

High Glamour & High Me :

True Divas – we worship these people & with good reason. They are rare, but utterly fabulous.

Low Glamour & High Me :

Tragic Self-absorbed Queens – usually young & prissy with too much make-up & too many accessories. Sometimes they grow up & get over themselves, but more often they get hit by a bus because they aren’t paying attention.

High Glamour & Low Me :

Unassuming Adonises – hot, gorgeous, sexy & interesting in conversation, but at the same time endearingly down to earth. Ple-e-e-ease be my boyfriend…

Low Glamour & Low Me :

The Masses – most of us. Go out, get smashed, have a laugh & deal with the consequences tomorrow.

Bruce babe, you are a genius ;oD

Photo: GETTY IMAGES

Happy Birthday Stuface Part II…….

Monday, June 14th, 2010

Well wasn’t that a knock about of fun. The pics tell the whole story, but to any members of staff of the unamed department store who get into any trouble over this, we are truely sorry, but leaving us a whole alphabet to play with was rather asking for it dontcha think ?

Nuff Said !

Cool Colours

Bunny

Mutilated Bunny

Low Life Scum…….

Tuesday, April 20th, 2010

To the low life scum who stole my wallet from my back pocket on Sunday night, *THERE WAS NO MONEY IN IT* !!

You could have at least had the decency to drop it when you found it devoid of cash (I use cards muppet, I’m a child of the digital age) somewhere near by so it could be found and handed in.

I’ve had to cancel all my cards (done about 5mins aftr you lifted it) and get a new keys arranged for home and work.

You inconsiderate twat, hope you break a leg. Nuff said.

p.s. If anyone in the Vauxhall area finds a grey Converse canvas wallet please hand in to the police station or at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern.

Thanks

All Star…….Lame…….

Tuesday, April 13th, 2010

Had to write about one of the most dissapointing experiences of my life to date, and I’ve had a few !

For my flatmates birthday I decided to try and book a group of us a night of 10 pin bowling. We’ve never done it before and it makes a welcome change from the bars and clubs typically associated with these sort of occasions.

I decided I would book with All Star Lanes (hence this post title, catchy huh ??!) as they appeared in the google list for ‘London Bowling’, their website looked quite well put together and the food menu sounded great.

In hindsight, it’s my own fault, I should had read up more thoroughly and maybe tried to find some reviews of the venue in question.

The selection of actual bowling balls was quite limited (there was a girlie with us who could have done with one of the lighter balls that had been nabbed by the group in the other lane).

The balls were sticky and could have done with a bit of a wipe with a anti-bacterial agent to be honest.

When we finished our game, we stood looking confused not quite sure what to do next. I had booked a post game table for some of their amazing sounding American style food. But not one of the staff asked if we needed any help. When I enquired at the reception I was told to ‘ask a waitress’.

So we waited for 10mins for one to appear and then asked where we should go for our table. This took a further 10mins to sort out.

The food took an extremely long time to arrive (almost half an hour), but in their defense was very hot and clearly not microwaved in any way (finally a positive note !).

But the single biggest issue had to be THE VOLUME OF THE MUSIC BEING PLAYED !!! This place could give Ministry of Sound a run for their money. I’m pretty certain that all of the communication issues we encountered on the night were a simple case that their poor staff just plain could not hear us. They smiled, they were I am sure polite (coluldn’t hear them to be certain) but ultimately the evening was a resounding failure.

We will probably try bowling again, but not at AllStar :-(

16-04-2010 addendum :

All Star Lanes sent me a feedback email request which a put most of this detail into and sent back. Their manager has responded saying he takes the points on board and they will *monitor the situation*. Possibly worth going again in a few months to see if it’s any better

Support FizzBin, Shorten Support Calls…….

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010

After spending most of the morning on the phone with Dell technical support *to replace a faulty DVD drive still under warranty* I find myself whole heartedly behind Scott Hanselman’s ‘FizzBin’ initative.

I actually slipped ‘FizzBin’ into the conversation a few times randomly in the first half hour to see if we could get to the ‘I’ll send a replacement unit out to your now sir’ phase, but alas it fell onto deaf ears (or certainly ears not briefed on the ‘FizzBin’ keyword initative’).

This left me repeating the mantra ‘ The optical drive is broken and needs replacing’ to every question and test I was asked to perform until their will finally broke and they promised to send an engineer out with a replacement drive.

So come on people, get behind ‘FizzBin’ coz’ I really don’t think I can handle another one of those calls again !

Sorry, I Want A Swimming Pool You See ?…….,

Friday, February 19th, 2010

I came across a random blog by Erik Van Slyke today while skimming the www.wordpress.com website. I was actually looking into the story about the 2 hour outage they had (which seems to have been routing based and nothing much they could have done about it, their systems were fine, the paths into and out from them were knacked).

The blog post Erik had written was about layoffs, or as we know them in the UK, redundancies. I have been fortunate in my life so far to have never been made redundant from a company, or been out of work for any period of time. But, I had always been a little confused as to why companies let people go (unless they were really small companies and keeping someone on meant going bust and closing shop !).

Erik recounts a story whereby an exec level team have a meeting and annouce that the company is doing ok, but to kepp 100% of their bonuses, they need to reduce headcount by 5% !! Sack people doing their jobs perfectly well in order to futher line their pockets.

Are these people wrong ? Are they simply ambitious ? Are they just greedy ?

I wonder if I ever got to that level of corporate structure and was asked to do the same to protect my own bonus and those of other staff if I could go along with it ? Can’t really see it myself, I tend to have apathy towards those less fortunate than myself. I even feel guilty every time I pass a homeless person that I have a job, a home and a reasonably regular life.

I have to say I found the article both enlightening and depressing, especially in the current situation with so many people out of work everywhere. I will now worry that, no matter the quality and volume of work I produce for any given employer, I could be axed through no fault of my own at any time just so someone higher up the corporate ladder can have a swimming pool installed at their home.

My Career Broken Down…….

Friday, February 12th, 2010

Not quite sure who created this, but it pretty much sums what I do from day to day.

In fact, this process had led to the creation of some of the posts here on this very site :o)

Thanks XKCD